Snark Tank; Recap

Jane the Virgin Chapter 25: The Value of Tradition

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Previously on Jane the Virgin:

Hunky Hotelier Rafael and Nice Guy Cop Michael go head to head in a battle for Jane’s heart. The winner? Officially no one – Jane loves them both! Unofficially – the viewing audience, since we were all able to spend a wonderful hour with our newest, booziest, best friend – Bachelorette Jane.

(source: jtvgifs tumblr )

In other news –

  • Michael decided to stop being the Worst Cop Ever and figured out that Rose/Sin Rostro must have been to Switzerland at one point.
  • Luisa was chloroformed/kidnapped by what we assume to be Sin Rostro’s henchman!
  • Petra successfully impregnated herself with the actual last of Rafael’s sperm (my prediction/fervent hope: it’s not actually Rafael’s sperm!).
  • Xo and Rogelio got back together but still decided to go ahead with their annulment.
  • Abuela decided to apply for her greencard!

This week:

Last week the show mostly focused on Jane’s dilemma of #TeamRafael vs. #TeamMichael, while basically doing a quick check-in with all its other concurrent story lines. This week, the show does an about face by giving a passing nod to The Love Triangle v2.0 and presenting Jane with another, more grounded dilemma: motherhood vs. pursuing her dreams.

Team Villanueva aka Team Most Likely To Reduce Me To Tears

I feel like tradition sometimes gets mixed up as being synonymous with the words obsolete or formality. That the fact of doing something because it’s always been done is inherently incorrect or, at the very least, unnecessary. What I’ve always appreciated about Jane the Virgin (one of the many things) is that it’s never treated tradition like it’s a bad word. It’s never shied away from its tradition of being rooted in telenovela dramatics, and time and again its shown that the family’s Catholic tradition as being one of bringing families together.

Tonight’s episode focused on one tradition in particular – Mateo’s baptism. It wasn’t all just cooing babies and priests with holy water, though. At the baptism rehearsal, the following things happened:

  • Rafael realizes/remembers that he asked Michael to be the godfather of his child the night that Michael helped get Mateo back. So, awkward. But, as my husband pointed out, you’d be hard pressed to find anyone (who didn’t contribute genetic coding to Mateo, that is) who will do a better job of ensuring Mateo’s safety at all times.
  • Everyone wonders where Luisa is, in a kind of vague, unconcerned way. We see, through flash-sideways (is that a thing?) that Luisa is being held captive by some Germans. At first, she thinks that it’s Sin Rostro’s doings. Then, we realize that she’s bait for Sin Rostro…bait that Sin Rostro isn’t taking. She’s capped in the knees and we leave her there at episode’s end, suffering and alone.
  • Jane finds out (and quickly tells Abuela and Xo) that her baby daddy’s ex-wife impregnated herself with said baby daddy’s sperm using a turkey baster.
    (source: kepnerrrd tumblr )

However, everyone is able to get it together for the actual baptism, check all their drama at the sanctuary door, and keep the baptism (and episode) centered on the family and its traditions. Specifically one baptism tradition. You see many years ago, when Abuela Villanueva was more commonly known as Alba and the only Mateo around was her husband, the two newlyweds were preparing for Xo’s baptism. As she’s sewing a new baptism gown for Xo, Abuela is somewhat saddened by the fact that they’ve left all their families heirlooms and treasured keepsakes back in Venezuela. Luckily, Abuelo Mateo comes up with a solution: start new traditions! He hands Abuela a sheet of paper and tells her to write all the things she wants for Xo – all the reasons they even came to America in the first place.

Flashforward to a 16 year old Xo, defiantly testing her mother’s patience and saying she might not even believe in God, so why have a baptism? She seems set in her ways, until Abuela hands her the speech she wrote and read at Xo’s baptism and asks Xo to read it at Jane’s. Young Xo immediately tears up, which is exactly what Jane does when we flashforward again to present time and see Xo handing it over to Jane to read at Mateo’s baptism.

The baptism goes off without a hitch and Jane ends it all by being the third Villanueva woman to read Abuela’s words at a baptism.

(source: jane-the-virgin tumblr )


My precious child,” She begins and I’ve already started tearing up. “these are the things I hope for you and your life: may you be bold, may you be brave, may you be loving and joyful and kind. May you carry with you the vitality and spirit of the generations before you. Whatever you dream for your life, may you summon the strength to follow that dream. Always let your faith be greater than your fear. May you never forget, through all of life’s great adventures, through every moment of every day, that I walk beside you, cheering you on. Hoping for you. Praying for you. Loving you. And may you one day love your own child as deeply as I love you. Today and always.

Abuela cries, Xo cries, Jane cries and I cry.


Team Jane aka Team Werk it Girl

Firmly leaving behind any thoughts of the love triangle, Jane has to contend with a new dilemma this week when she receives the wonderful news in the gifs below:

(source: kepnerrrd tumblr )

Yes! She’s gotten into grad school! And she has an amazing dance to celebrate it! Unfortunately, due to the crazy pre-reqs of the writing program, there’s one class she has to take before she officially starts. The only problem? The class begins the next day. Jane is torn. She hadn’t planned on leaving Mateo at 3 weeks old to go pursue her dream. On the other hand…she wants to pursue her dream. She tries to have it all by bringing Mateo to the world’s most boring World Lit class (honestly, I feel like she did everyone in that room a favor by disrupting it), but when he starts to fuss and interrupts the lecturer, it’s clear she has to make a choice.

Initially, she chooses to stay at home with Mateo. She doesn’t want to miss out on anything with him. However, Xo and Abuela engage in some real talk with her: she’s going to miss out on a few things, no matter how well prepared and present she might be. That’s motherhood. She shouldn’t hamper herself or put her dreams on hold. And the thing is? Jane has the best mother and grandmother in the entire universe (other than my own mother, of course), along with a loving father, a doting baby daddy, and another dude who wants badly to be Mateo’s stepfather/is Mateo’s current godfather. Mateo’s going to be just fine. She decides to go ahead and enroll in the program. I’m happy for her, although I never really doubted that’s where she’d end up. All I can really think is that I hope Rafael is footing the bill so she doesn’t have to take out massive student loans.


#Team Michelio aka Team I’d Watch The Spin Off of These Two Bro-ing Around 

(source: kepnerrrd tumblr )

It’s no secret that half the time, I’m not Michael’s biggest fan. But, I always find him delightful when he’s buddying up with Rogelio. This week, Rogelio gave Michael some really bad advice regarding Jane: stay cool, keep it macho, and don’t let her see you sweat. It’s bizarre to me that Michael would even entertain this advice knowing Jane as well as he does, especially when Rogelio has literally known her for less than half the time that Michael has, but the fact remains that he does.

Or does he?

Ok, he doesn’t. He does remain pretty aloof towards Jane any time Rogelio is around, but really he’s writing down his innermost thoughts and feelings towards Jane in a lilac journal that Rogelio gave him to jot down such “wussy” (his words, not mine) thoughts. He gives this journal to Jane at the episode’s end, to remind the viewers that he is a mensch of the highest order and to pop my Michael hate bubble that I developed at the end of last week’s episode. He’s an imperfect guy but there’s no denying that he really loves Jane. I once again resolve to give him another go.


Team Petra aka Team I Can’t Believe I’m Actually Rooting For This

In other baby mama drama: Petra is definitely pregnant. And Rafael is definitely not happy about it. (What’s not definite: that the sperm was actually Rafael’s! This recapper keeps the faith that it is not.)

“What were you thinking?” He asks, disappointed, disbelieving, slightly disgusted. In what I think is a genuine moment of hopeful nervousness, Petra admits that she did it because she thought he might still love her. To which Rafael replies that he loves…Jane. That he was only pretending to care for her so that he could finally be rid of her once and for all.

Petra looks quite honestly heartbroken. I know that we’re supposed to find this all to be a pretty despicable act. And, I mean…it’s not great. But the past few weeks – the flashbacks to the Petra’s miscarriage, her desperation in wanting Rafael to love her again – coupled with the fact that Yael Groelbas is just so damn good at making Petra sympathetic, makes it hard for me to truly hate her. She really has no one, and all the flashbacks make it seem like her time with Rafael represented the happiest, and maybe the only truly happy time in her life. I’m not sure where exactly it all went wrong. Like most real relationships, it’s probably hard to pin it on any one thing. It just seems like they were good together…until they weren’t. And…oh my goodness, have I just actually talked myself into shipping Rafael and Petra? I blame Petra’s luscious locks and immaculate wardrobe.

Anyway, Petra has a meeting with Jane and Rafael and lays out the three options regarding the baby:
1. Abortion
2. Find a Russian oligarch and trick him into thinking that the baby is his. Likely move back to Russia, never letting Rafael see his son or Mateo know he has a half brother. (I would totally watch this spin off show, by the way).
3. Co-Parent. Figure out how that will work.

Obviously, option #1 is not an option in either Jane or Rafael’s eyes. At first, Jane tries to take herself out of the situation – basically saying that it’s all on Rafael and she’s not really involved. However, she changes her mind once Michael offers his advice, since he is not only the resident Villanueva expert, but resident expert on handling unexpected pregnancies resulting from crazy artificial insemination stories. He tells her that when she got pregnant, he did everything wrong (truest thing he’s ever said) instead of embracing it. There’s a baby on the way, he says, so whatever that means to you, embrace it.

(Damn it, Michael. Every time I think I’ve quit you, you show yourself to be a real decent dude.)

This is great advice and Jane’s no fool, so she finds Rafael and says that she realizes that she’s a part of the equation. She can’t just pretend there’s no stake in it for her. Because no matter how things end up between the two of them, he will always be Mateo’s father, which means Petra’s child will always be Mateo half-sibling. They decide to make it work, somehow, in whatever way is possible, with Petra.


Make Love Week – its like Shark Week for Telenovelas!

Finally, we have Rogelio and Xo: off the love boat and moving on with their relationship. Or, trying to move on, at least. They just need to get Rogelio over his ex, Luciana, first. This becomes twice as hard to do when she shows up to try out as Rogelio’s opposite during Make Love Week. They have crazy chemistry and Xo gets spooked, wondering if she’s jumping back into a relationship with a man who is not over his ex-wife. There’s some walking out (by Xo), some arguing and throwing out of insults (by Xo, again). However, Abuela engages in some more real talk with Xo and tells her to get over it. She shouldn’t bail when things get a little difficult, but should instead handle things like an adult.

Which she promptly does, apologizing to Rogelio and stating a renewed commitment to their relationship. Rogelio also dons his adult cap, and says that he’s not going to hire Luciana for Make Love Week, even though he knows it would be best for the show.

“We will hire someone subpar and I will shine brightly enough for the both of us!”

These two crazy kids. As my husband pointed out a week ago – it’s a great storyline to see such a self-centered person give himself over to such selfless love.

However, this is not the end of Luciana. She’s upset that Rogelio didn’t hire her for the part and we end the episode with her threatening to release a mystery video if he doesn’t.

(source: kepnerrrd tumblr )


And the award goes to…

Episode MVP: Rogelio, for reasons why, she below.
Best VOG line: “Thanksgiving will never be the same.”
Best moment(s) from #Rogeliomybrogelio: “I’m willing to roll up my sleeves so people can enjoy my strong forearms” // “[Being executive producer] is like being chief of police, but with higher stakes.” // “You have to do it. Half of your face is already tan” #ambushspraytan // About Petra’s pregnancy: “I’d be more shocked, but we did that story on Passions of Santos. Classic stuff!” // On casting choices: “Emma Stone? I’ve heard she can play any race!”

Number of times I…

Cried: Once, during Jane’s baptism speech
Had to remind myself that I am giving Michael another chance: Five, every time he was aloof towards Jane. But he completely redeemed himself at the end. So, I’m guessing next week it’ll be none.
Sighed and said, “I love this show”: Every time a Villanueva woman cried.


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