Discussion

Secrets! Showdowns! Stories! Everything That Will Happen on Season 6 of Once Upon a Time

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If this post has spoilers, it’s only because Once Upon a Time is predictable. No inside information was used in the production of this post.

Prologue: Adam and Eddy say the show is “getting back to basics” and is more like season 1. They’ve said this for every season except season 1. The Untold Stories narrative – characters needing to finish their stories – is pretty much the same thing the show does every season. As long as you understand that, you’ll have no trouble decoding season 6.

Emma Keeps a Secret from Hook! What is it??? “Saviors don’t have Happy Endings!”

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How many episodes of Emma creeping around in sadness while Hook asks what’s wrong, Swan do we have to sit through before this gets resolved? Eight? Ten? Two? We already know how this gets resolved: Snow and Charming and Hook will find out and convince Emma that together, they can defeat history and give ALL the Saviors their happy endings!

My Take: Seriously? Emma Swan is going to mope around rather than being like “of course I’ll tell Hook, of course I’m going to prove them wrong?” This is why Emma Swan is a lost cause. Rather than getting stronger and feeling more loved and less burdened she gets to wallow in a new round of self-pity every season. There is no reason she would keep this from Hook after the Dark Swan, Dark Killy, and to Hell and Back arcs of season 5.

How It Will End: Hook and Emma get engaged. (As if we all missed the Foreshadowing-Anvil of the bridal shop in Storybook last season.)

Regina Has to Face the Evil Queen! Oh Noooo! Will Everyone Dieeeeee?

Regina will discover the Evil Queen is alive and well in Storybrooke but she will keep it a secret from everyone until the Evil Queen almost kills Snow. Yes, just like Emma, Regina will have to wallow in self-pity and keep her problem a secret for several episodes rather than share it with her family because that’s how bad soap operas always go.

Before it is over, the Evil Queen fools Henry into thinking she’s his mom (even though she is sorta his mom) until he unwittingly does something for the Dark Side, like throw up a Voldemort gang sign.

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By the time everyone finds out that the Evil Queen is on the loose, it looks like it’s too late! The Evil Queen will team up with Jafar and then our intrepid producers will tell us that everyone is going to dieeeeeee!

My Take: It’s obvious the EQ will take on Snow White. So if you really, really missed the days when the EQ chased Snow through the woods, this season is for you. I’m not excited about this storyline in a “this will be great” way, I’m excited about it in a “this will be hilarious” way. It reminds me of the Two Sides, With Hugh Jackman sketch from Saturday Night Live.

How It Will End: Regina will realize (through Henry) that to be able to defeat the Evil Queen, she must realize that the Evil Queen is a part of her. And no one will dieeeeee. Regina will appear to die, but then she will realize she has to crush her own heart/replace her own heart/kiss Henry/ or get a we’re-totally-not-true-loves-though magical transplant from Emma.

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Snow and Charming Have Something From Their Past That Will Haunt Them!

Didn’t we just do this? To recap, Charming and Snow put the darkness hex on Lily (or something) instead of Emma and then Maleficent lost her child. In season 6, Snow and Charming will be faced with something they did in the Enchanted Forest that they will need to fix.

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My Take: Snow and Charming are just full of dark surprises, so let’s just assume they interrupted someone’s story. Who could it be? The Count of Monte Cristo, who was imprisoned for a crime he did not commit and later returns to seek revenge. He was probably imprisoned because Snow and Charming needed something for their kingdom (but it was totes the Evil Queen’s fault!)

How It Will Turn Out: He will want revenge but then Snow and Charming will explain that they are totally sorry and they shouldn’t face any consequences for their actions because they are Snow White and Prince Charming! Then the Count will discover he has a true love in a far off land. And Snow and Charming will help them reunite.

The Jasmin, Aladdin and Jafar Storyline Will Enrage Wonderland Fans!

Aladdin will get top billing in this story, which will be about all the historical saviors having to sacrifice their Twu Luvs. It’s understandable that the OUAT producers couldn’t get the full Wonderland gang back together again, but since they will proceed as if Wonderland never happened with a brand new Jafar, expect Wonderland fans to be enraged.

My Take: I fully expect some dubious references to things that are supposed to be Persian or Middle Eastern that will also cause people to be enraged. This show has never learned from any of its past mistakes, why start now?

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How It Will Turn Out: Aladdin and Jasmine will reunite. Jasmine will become friends with Snow White. Then they will be shipped off to the Land of Characters Who are No Longer Needed.

Rumpelstiltskin Won’t Be Able to Wake Belle from Her Coma! Will Belle and Rumple Reunite?

Everyone else will once again forget that Belle even exists – which is an upgrade from season 5, when Emma used the existence of Rumple’s pregnant wife as a bargaining chip for Jekyll and Hyde. (Remember when Emma was a heroic character?) Belle is going to meet up with Morpheus in her sleeping coma, who she will enjoy hanging with while Rumple tries to save her.

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My Take: How badly do you think A&E wish they had saved the baby name Neal for Rumple Jr.?

How It Will Turn Out: Eventually Belle and Rumple are going to be together. It might not happen until Rumple Jr. is born, but I don’t think any of the show’s current couples will ever break up for good. They will either get together right after Baby Gold is born, or it’ll be two episodes later.

Hook Meets Up With Captain Nemo! The Jolly Roger “Takes On a Submarine!”

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We’re going 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea! Captain Nemo has a bone to pick with Hook! Are you excited yet! (Good, I hope someone wants this storyline.)

My Take: This is the early betting favorite for Storyline I Use for Drinks and Bathroom Breaks.

How It Will Turn Out: Does it really matter? Hook is on this show to flirt with David and marry Emma.

Something Happens With Zelena!

Nah, I’m sorry, but nothing happens with Zelena. She is this year’s recipient of Oops, We Did It Again Series-Regular-We-Forgot Award. Past winners include Megan Ory, Michael Socha, and Sean McGuire.

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Don’t forget to tune in for our Live Reaction to the Season 6 premiere, which airs on September 25.

What do you think will happen in season 6? And will there be a season 7? Let us know in the comments.

Alex is a lawyer and opinionated.

1 Comment

  1. crystal (@crystalized17)

    September 16, 2016 at 12:44 pm

    thank you! this is a perfect breakdown of the show! I never want to stop watching Regina as the Evil Queen, but having to sit thru all of the bullcrap like you mentioned above, and Hook/Emma scenes ugh…. The only good thing that happened last season was Robin died. Please let him stay dead forever.

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