Snark Tank; Recap

Carmilla Season One Recap Episodes 1-3: Enter the Creampuff

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Hello, CUTIES.

For those of you have not yet been introduced to the vampire sapphic web sensation known as Carmilla, please allow me to guide you on this journey by recapping the best vampire show on television. Yeah, I said it.


We are introduced to Laura Hollis: plucky heroine, ingenue, nerd, and investigative reporter. Protect at all costs.

Like many web series, there is a reason for the choice of constant web footage (we won’t ask about how many external hard drives would have been killed in the process). For Laura is is using her web camera to document her journalism project: investigating the school library at Silas University possibility being sentient.


Her very sparkly and blonde roommate/bff Betty comes in and encourages Laura to enjoy the three best things about college: drinking, partying, and hot RA’s named Danny. Our little guppy agrees and is removed from an adorable, but tragic looking outfit.


The next morning, Laura realizes she left her computer on (TARDIS mug in hand. ONE OF US!) When she goes to pull back Betty’s bed sheets it’s empty. On the floor is a vomit covered note saying that Betty no longer attends the school.

“What the What?” is right, Laura.

Next day Laura has been harassing the campus trying to get in contact with the Dean of Students to get an explanation for Betty’s disappearance.

Campus tries to simply claim that she dropped out, but as Laura aptly puts it: “There is no way Betty decided to drop out at 2 a.m on a Friday night, with none of her stuff!”


Another dial tone. Laura whips out her relic of a flip phone and tries calling again. Instead of trying to help, they say that she needs a new roommate. Alright, no more Ms. Nice TARDIS!

Well, they’ve messed with the wrong guppy. “I’m got three weeks of journalism class and I’ve seen all of Veronica Mars…I’ll find her myself.”

Not so much.

Apparently with fog and an abundance of drinks no one saw or remembers anything about Betty at the party. Laura of course feels the guilt of now keeping a better eye on her friend, but her guilt is broken by the entrance of Carmilla.

“I’m your new roommate sweetheart.”


I’d forgotten how tight those leather pants were. Thank you Vervegirl.

So Carmilla is basically the worst roommate ever.

Not only does she not care about Laura’s concerns about Betty, but decides to take all of her stuff: “Possession is 9/10th.” Despite the protests from our guppy, Carmilla says she’ll leave when Betty shows up.


We skip slightly into the future and Laura has been rolling surveillance on the “roommate from hell!” Not only has Carmilla highjacked Betty’s clothes, she is a complete slob, brings girls into the room to lounge on Laura’s bed, and steals Laura’s chocolate!

Well payback’s a witch because Laura told one of Carmilla’s paramours that she had “raging cold-sores.” Time for celebration. What better way to get back at a messy, boundary crossing roommate, then eating their soy milk and cereal.

That is until the soy milk turns out to be blood.



+ “No way in Hell or Hogwarts” is probably one of the best lines in this series of episodes.

+ Carmilla is based on the Gothic novella, Carmilla (1897) one of the first vampire novels in Western Literature (before Dracula) written by Joseph Sheridan Le Fanu.

+ Silas University is a reference to one of Le Fanu’s most popular works, Uncle Silas which mystery with a few occult undertones.+  On a side note, I noticed Laura’s owl lamp and I think it is just a great touch because an owl in mythology is often a symbol of Athena and the seeking of knowledge which is Laura to a hoot!



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