Dear Kroger, Where's Black Widow?
AKA Why are all of your cake toppers from 2011?
I ran to Kroger, my favorite grocery store, to pick up a few things. After getting my Powerade and bananas for the work week, I swung by the bakery. I love looking at all the sweets I can’t eat with my diet. I noticed a set of cupcakes with Avengers rings in it.
I was floored with excitement seeing Hawkeye added to the mix.
(Sorry for the crappy picture quality from my iTouch 4. I really need to get a new one.)
Hawkeye is my favorite Avenger. Trying to find Clint Barton on ANY Avengers merchandise is like trying to find a unicorn on Wall Street. It’s a rare and wonderful gift to my always-wanting-Clint-Barton-stuff life.
As I looked down the rows of rings budding out of the delicious sweets, I realized the ongoing struggle for young girls who are also comic book fans. There were no Black Widow rings.
I asked the young woman working behind the counter if there was a reason there were no Black Widow cupcakes. She pulled out a big bag full of plastic rings and showed them to me. There was nothing of the original female member of the superhero team. She told me Kroger corporate sent them these big bags. I had a feeling Widow was never in there to begin with.
This is an ongoing struggle for young girls. The Mary Sue has talked about this issue for years. A mother made a Black Widow doll for her daughter since she couldn’t find one. Clark Gregg (Agent Coulson in the MCU) said that the lack of women’s merchandise is unacceptable, and “…maybe when Agent Romanoff gets the film that she deserves, some of the merchandise will start to follow.” Mark Ruffalo (The Hulk in the MCU) tweeted his frustration when looking for Black Widow toys for his daughters and nieces.
Now it looks like Kroger is following the ranks of this terrible trope. My niece is eleven and loves comics as much as I do. She adores Black Widow. I wouldn’t buy these cupcakes for her.
BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!
The nice bakery lady told me to look through the cake book. There might be some Black Widow cake toppers in there. What I found was a mound of gold, and I mean that with so much sarcasm!
I had high hopes for a moment when I saw the first page of the Avengers tab:
She might be in the back, but at least Widow is with the group! Forget the hole in her head, she’s there!
This didn’t last long as I found cake toppers of the Big Four prominently pictured front and center as seen above. Then, I saw incredibly dated cakes as far back as Iron Man 2 (2010) and the first Captain America movie (2011).
They’re not even from Iron Man 3 or Captain America: The Winter Soldier, the most recent movies for these two superheroes! Kroger knows we’re in Phase Three of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, right?
BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!
This cake topper book was incredibly sad. None of the Disney Princesses were from this century! I’m serious! No Merida. No Rapunzel. No Tiana. They still had selections from the first Cars and Turbo. You know Turbo failed as a movie, right? Kroger, are you drunk over there? At least they had How to Train Your Dragons 2 cakes. That was the most recent from what I could tell.
My absolute three favorites were from not only cancelled television shows but also franchises from about five years ago. Allow me to present…
Hannah Montana which was cancelled in 2011!
The Green Lantern movie which has a solid 26% on Rotten Tomatoes!
And Tron Legacy! Seriously! TRON!? Of all things, there’s a TRON cake! Can I point out it hit theaters in 2010?
Not only do we have a lack of Black Widow merchandise, but Kroger seriously needs to update their cakes. There’s so many new Disney shows like Jesse, Austin and Ally, and Gravity Falls. With the Star Wars buy out, Disney has Star Wars: Rebels about to hit it’s second season. For movies, there’s Age of Ultron, Batman vs. Superman on the way, and Guardians of the Galaxy. FROZEN! Frozen is EVERYWHERE, and you don’t have a cake option?
I do need to note Kroger has more recent cakes on their website which was a huge relief for my favorite grocery store. And granted, I live in the suburbs of Atlanta. They might have updated cake books in the big cities. But as the Kroger corporation, why not send out new books to all of your stores? None of the cakes on your website matches what was in your store cake book. This makes your stores look terrible!
No Black Widow. No recent movie cakes. No Princesses from this century. Good job there, Kroger.
With that, I’ll leave you to the best cake of all:
KABOOM OF DOOM!